Thursday, November 8, 2012

Home After a Year

It's been over a year since I last wrote a piece in my ever evolving journey of life. I have gone from trying to be eco- friendly to working in an area that seems so materialistic. During the time that you have not heard from me I have been writing alot; not for my blog but for work.

This is very interesting because never would I have thought that I would be working in media. It's really interesting how it all began. I wanted a job when I came back home and my dad sent me to someone who was looking for someone. He thought I would be a good edition to the writing aspect of the business but I wanted nothing to do with it.

I tried it any way and they absolutely loved my input. Strangely enough it wasn't so much my writing but my presenting! Me...a presenter....Hell no!! But I did it any way even if I didn't like being infront of the camera. I got used to it and made myself comfortable.

Unfortunately my term there would come to a short end because I was dealing with the grief of my estranged son Achilles. I had was still dealing with my family being split apart and trying to get a divorce which is still at a standstill. it pains me to know that he is out there and someone else is mothering him. I thank God for her but I still wish I could do it myself.

Last I heard from his dad, he was seemingly quite autistic, talking non- stop for hours, or chewing on odd objects. He even lodged a coin up his nose which his dad had to remove with a pair of tweezers! I cry when I hear how bad he seems to be. I think that he might never be "normal" or be able to get a job or live on his own because he would need someone to take care of him constantly. He is drawing near to age 5 and I worry..alot!

But mostly I wonder if he just needs his mother; that if I were around he would be alot better and wouldn't seem so unwell. I pray that God would bring us together again someday soon, when I would be able to mother him. Even if it were for months out the year. I really pray for that.

But back to work now...Yes.....I stopped for about 6 months....Went to the jungle for a bit...Had a chance to get myself together, have a bit of fun...gain some attention, help someone learn to love their self and learn to love others again.

And then I was without a job again...Trying desperately to find one......and not wanting to go back to media one......But it called to me, over and over again. That I needed to give it another shot.

There is a saying that if you get a second chance at something you're real lucky and you should make the most of it. That's exactly what I plan on doing.

And in the meantime Chaya my daughter is at school, loving every moment of it just like I did when I was her age. She brings such joy to me and I thank God for her every moment of every day.

So off I go.....til another time. Hopefully it won't be for this long again.

If you watch a catch of bit of me presenting the news you can watch it here!

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Missing Home

I miss home. The new home that I had built; with my adorable  children and a husband.
I missing waking up with two chidlren beside me.
I miss seeing my partner making his cup of tea in the morning.

Our house was quiet in the morning, until about 10 am and then everyone was up and flinging toys all over the room.  Little hands left marks on the fridge and litte heads peered out of it all day long.

My life isn't so simple anymore. Chaya loves calling me mommy but she'll say 'Cherry!' way more than mommy because she sees her alot more than me.

But I get some mornings at the bayside; just Chaya and me, and we sit and swim, and gaze at each other.
It makes a  big difference!

I miss sharing a cup of tea in the afternoon with hubby, or watching a movie together. Doing grocery shopping was fun too!

And most of all watching the children play  while we sit and marvel at the gems we helped bring into the world.

But Achilles I miss the most. I miss his stare and his unconditional love. His yearning for his mother every minute of his waking day; when he's  not playing that is.  He loved sitting at the table and waiting for breakfast.

And running, oh how he loved to run! The  ecstasy on his face when he'd get a chance to be out in  nature, sprinting without a care in the world.

Now I'm at another home, a former home. It's safe; most of the time. And there is lots of love.

But I miss MY home.